It is day 2 of my fast and I am quietly realising that I am sinner .!!! Saved...oh yes...but still a sinner. I seemed to spend the entire day yesterday aware of ....the thoughts I think ..the words I speak...the choices I make...the time I waste....I felt as if I was "wide awake" in my spirit and thinking that I am so in need of a spiritual de-clutter.This morning God brought this passage to mind. I havent read it for many years , and was surprised by its impact on my day today.
Deuteronomy ch 19 v 15 says this...."See, I set before you today life and prosperity,death and destruction."
As I spent some time thinking this through I was reminded that at the prayer meeting last night JWG prayed that I would make right choices and that I would be able to discern what is right and what is wrong. As the prayer time was an invitation for God to pour out His spirit on us I began to ask God for an infilling once more.......as He began to move on people around the room I began quietly to confess sin after sin after sin.....and just when I thought there was no more to say...He gently reminded me of something else until I felt completely emptied of all the rubbish that had accumulated in my spirit.Rubbish that gathers because of wrong choices...day by day I make wrong choices until I lose sensitivity and ALL my choices seem right ones.
I am meditating today on all the verses Deut. ch 30 verses 11-20 ..The life and death choices referred to here are all about spiritual life and death...I realise afresh that so many choices I have made over a period of time have resulted in a "death"in parts of my spirit. Let me share with you a couple of examples.....I love to read...I can read a novel in a day if it really grips me...crime novels are my favourite...I know that reading in itself isnt wrong but sometimes a whole week can go by without me reading any scripture but I will have read several books in that time. Then after several days I lose the urge to pray ,then the ability to hear God ...then when He whispers into my spirit... "no ..dont do that , dont think that ...dont say that...." I turn away...and over a sustained period of time my heart becomes like stone and sin claims me once again.
It is one small omission after another then another that results in spiritual "death". Last night as I spoke out all the things I had neglected to do....and asked God for His forgiveness...I knew God was waiting for me..The Holy Spirit began to speak to me, it was as if once all the clutter had been dumped, there was room for me to hear His voice.He began to speak words of restoration telling me ....He will never leave nor forsake me...His grace is sufficient...He is sovereign...He is my shepherd...He is my healer....He has plans for me...He loves me with an everlasting love.I felt as if He was holding me close once more and re-affirming me over and over again.
Why do I wait for seasons like this to deal with my sin?? Why dont I learn to turn to God every day and keep myself right with Him?? Why do I keep on doing the things I dont want to do?? At some point in this ongoing blog I am going to explore the scriptures from Romans 7...you know the verses that talk about struggling with sin.? If anyone has ever heard a sermon or read a book that really explains that passage in laymans terms pass them on to me! In fact ..whenever anyone actually reads the verses it is read like a kind of "chant" or very slowly pronouncing each phrase as if to a child! Watch out for future blog entries on this subject .
Going back to the question ...WHY??...If I am totally "naked in public"..its because I am lazy..selfish and self- centred.! YIKES..now you all know.! I am daily at war with the old nature ,its a daily struggle to wear the new creation garment that was woven for me through the cross. At times I look back over 24 years of walking with God and wonder at His grace and His mercy to me......I am so grateful He doesnt ever give up on me... I am so surprised that he considers me precious...I am incredibly humbled that He uses me ...I am overwhelmed by His faithfulness...I am amazed that He doesnt bring judgement on me. I love the verse in James ch.2 v.13..which ends by saying " Mercy triumphs over judgement" and after all my confessions last night I am standing on that scripture.
Where will I be at the end of my journey this year?? What changes will have been wrought in my spirit?? Walk with me please.
3 comments:
I love you Mrs M. You give me the courage to be who I am. Thank you my dear friend.
Thank you to everyone who so far has read the blog and left comments....Please continue to walk alongside me on this journey...I dont like to be alone and your company and comments are very precious.
Ruth...it is partly your blog that got me going so the feelings are mutual in that you also give me courage to be who I am.
Lets hope others also gain courage from our example.
Hi Irene - you and I have known each other for about 35 years now I guess (yep, before you ever became a Christian) and you NEVER cease to amaze me my friend! We've often spoken about how we've given inspiration to each other in one way or another - usually weight related! - but I hope you've got the Kleenex ready for me when I attend Kerith church again with you on Easter Sunday this year! PS I bet you're glad I've got senile dementia when it comes to recalling any "blasts from the past" enquiries about you from your blogger pals! HE must be affecting me, as I'd normally have been open to bribes eh!! Love you tons, Sandra xx (and Glen, woof)
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