Shadow Of Victory

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

September 1st ...Nothing to do with Willow

Taking a detour feel free to pass me by ...just need some time out to blog some stuff that is going on in the hope it gives me some new perspective.

Decision making....I wonder if other people find themselves swinging wildly like a pendulum from one decision to another.? I have had a few decisions to make in last
2-3 months and I have struggled big time.I make a firm decision then a few days later I change my mind.

I have tried to apply Godly wisdom and and asked close friends for their advice and wisdom....I have asked God to speak clearly to me.....I have talked it over with Chris and mulled it over in dreams and written lists of Pros and Cons.....all the things that people suggest and yet I am still swinging about like a mad thing.If the decisions I make only affect me then it would be so easy but as they involve other people too it becomes more complicated. Would that life would be so easy as to actually have a clear statement from God....a "thus sayeth the Lord" but sadly I don't get that kind very often and it is in the searching for the answers that God reveals His perhaps all this has been a "searching" process to get to the place He wants me to be. I know from experience that God uses every situation as an opportunity to develop my character and build my faith.

My church involvement is one of the decisions I need to make and that doesn't just depend on me but on a multitude of other aspects which all need to be looked at and talked through with other people. My work involvement I continue to childmind and take on new children ? ..sounds like an easy ..yes or no...but two families are looking to me to care for their precious children and I never take this lightly and always want to give the family my very best and its not an easy thing for me to say Yes or again I have to think it through carefully .

Linked in with all this has been a tough few weeks anyway....August is the month that we have our annual review for our IVA...and that means looking at all our Income and Expenditure for last we have to get bank stuff...receipts...salary slips and all my tax accounts sorted and photocopied....we have to justify any increases we need and then once we send of all the photocopies we then have to wait for the IP to let us know if we are okay for another year or whether they say we have to increase our monthly payments.,Whilst we completely hold our hands up and say...okay we got into this is nevertheless an exhausting business to have someone scrutinise every aspect of your financial life.We sometimes think we would have been better declaring bankruptcy but as we have got this far...3 years into a 5 year term we can see the finishing line and will be debt free in August 2011.

This last few days I have felt very tearful and slightly unwell...I often think when I have a spiritual this is often followed by a spiritual low and I am not that surprised by how I am feeling. I am grateful for the friends who put up with me and my ongoing "will I ??.wont I??." But at the same time I do need to make decisions and make them soon...The childminding one actually needs to be made today...or at latest tomorrow so I can inform the families I am off now to have another look at the lists of Pros and Cons..altho I am pretty certain I have made the decision anyway. A lovely friend said to me today..something like..."at which point in the pendulum process did you know Gods peace??" and I guess that is the starting and finishing point for any decision making process and has certainly helped me move closer to one set of decisions .

I still have a couple of "Ruts" to blog about so normal service will be resumed soon...I am as always very grateful for the comments you guys send and also emails...I did get a couple controversial ones referring to Ruts,which I havent published so if you think one of them was yours feel free to talk to me about it.

I would love to know how others process big decisions and if anyone else finds themselves swinging madly on a pendulum..please God its not only me??!!!


Ruthie said...

My dear, dear friend, I love you with all my heart. Your honesty is so refreshing!

Be encouraged that I think everyone has 'a pendulum' when it comes to making decisions. I know when I have a big decision to make I do everything you've done (seek guidance from friends & those I trust) but more than that I pray about it and seek God. I don't generally have a 'thus sayeth the Lord' moment but I have a moment when I have peace and it's in that moment that I know what the right decision is.

My friend, I know the decisions you're having to make right now are not easy but trust the peace you have.

Right now I firmly believe it's a time for you to sit alone with God and to make the decisions with Him and step out into the big world of faith. I know you know where the peace is and I'm encouraging you to step into that peace.

With very, very much love to you. xxx

Geri said...

A couple of years ago I had to make a church ministry decision. I was losing sleep. I was never in church with my husband. I knew I needed to step down but I hated to admit it. I felt I was letting people down, especially when I hear that this particular ministry is STILL struggling. After I left I still felt guilty, but I started sleeping better, I started feeling blessed instead of stressed on Sundays and I turned my mind towards listening to what God wanted me to do, rather than what I thought I had to do because I could do it. I learned I'm not irreplaceable, and it may have openned eyes that needed to be openned to a huge need that I had been tackling on my own for 4 1/2 years.

I will pray for you my friend, and I look forward to our coffee!

Sandra in Bonnie Scotland said...

Hi my dearest pal Irene...emailed you, so you know not always commented on your blog, but now feel I can relate with you here...

Only YOU can decide how you wish to progress any decision you have to provide and advise to others...and search for assistance and advise from whoever's opinion you value - as I have just with our pal Anne to do with MY work situ now - but it's ultimately YOUR thoughts and decison that must count, and be accepted by all concerned. Some people will be pleased, some won't, but YOU must sleep easy, so if you do that you'll know you've made the right decision. Whew, off my soapbox now! Luv ya!