Shadow Of Victory

Friday, 20 July 2012

The REAL Me part two

Picking up on my last blog post....I thought I would share answers to the questions that were on the Peter Scazzero Sheets we were given at REAL...maybe you can use them and think about what you would answer.

Question one.....What nurtures your spirit and fills you with delight??

My answer to that has always been pretty much the husband nurtures my spirit..spending time dawdling around on Saturdays with Chris....wandering around the shops ...watching DVDs....going to the beach my time with Chris,,,,add on to that the time we spend as a family...its rare...maybe only 3 times a year when we are all in the same place at same time but we usually manage various combinations fairly regularly and this always nurtures my spirit....we just eat together...walk telly together...walk the pooches together..just generally hang out...I always feel at peace when we get to spend time together....this nurtures my spirit....Workwise....I get to hang out with a great young man in the guise of work and he nurtures my spirit as we laugh at things together and go here there and everywhere ...he never gets in a bad mood or grumpy he is genuinely a great young man. and then grand children....I don't see too much of Mathilda but she is just the best 12 year old ever and I love her honesty and sense of fun as well as the fact she is just an all round great young woman....and of course Elisha....God sent this wee boy into our lives purely to bring us joy and definitely to nurture my spirit.

Question Two.....What do you need to avoid?? What pulls you away from anchoring in Christ??

This was the question that started the tears flowing as I thought through the many ways and many times I can be pulled away from Jesus.....the laziness....the gossip....the pity parties....the lack of self care....the endless need for affirmation from others....friendships that aren't Godly....Relationships that I need to get sorted...unforgiveness....Oh I could go on and on....but as I listed some things on the day I also felt as if I had pulled a plug and was letting it all drain away with the tears....As I cried and just let Christ touch me afresh I could just feel his peace and grace flowing into my spirit....its times like these I am grateful for GRACE......and MERCY....and his all knowing FORGIVENESS.....

Question Three....What are your personal "have to " list in this season of your life that will impact your rhythm??

This was harder to answer and I am still thinking this one through....the most important thing I have put into action is mainly relationally....I am working through  areas where I know that God wants me to put right  There are several friendships that have veered off course and I know I have to get myself back into good relationships with people who will build me up ..."take me up in their lift " and that I also need to ensure that I am personally "clean" and not saying or doing anything that would ensnare others....
The other main area that will hopefully impact my Rhythm of Life is getting a routine established for regular prayer and regular bible time...because I tend to work at home it can be all too easy to slip into bad habits and laziness....all wrapped up in the excuse of looking after children and working with my young man...BUT I know deep down this is an excuse...I can and want to develop a good daily habit of time with God...ask me about that in a few weeks time as I aim to get a new Rhythm going....

I wonder....did anyone else get time to answer these questions...I would love to know how you answered and if it had a similar impact with you as it did with me.

Tuesday, 17 July 2012


It seems as tho the REAL conference was sooooo long ago and I haven't had a chance to blog it but this week I have found myself reading my notes again and thinking back to what God was saying through the amazing speakers. I take weeks to assimilate my notes and even when I do it often just ends up being "one thing"....I loved hearing Shauna speak...I loved her books and in the flesh she was amazingly REAL....Catrina ,.as always was very REAL and having Simon speaking as well was bordering on more than REAL !!!....

I was stewarding and serving sometimes can take the edge of being fully into the conference as people may need help or advice or info and it is difficult to engage all the time but I was gripped by the afternoon session which gave us some time to reflect and write out some thoughts....This I had seen when Peter Scazzaro spoke earlier on in the year and really hadn't given it much time or thought,,,,Peter wrote the book "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality " which I have been reading and doing the workbook so maybe I was a bit more prepared this time round and open to what God was saying.

The sheet of paper we were given to write on had separate sections headlined....


We were encouraged to have an inner dialogue with God about each of these areas and to write down any of the things that were out of we work work work and not give time to were our relationships ...our marriage.... what kind of prayer life do we have...or not have get the drift....

I spent a fair bit of time writing and thinking and was amazed at how out of balance I felt I have been...sometimes you just have to take some time out and reflect honestly with yourself don't you??

The other side of the page was an encouragement to create a "RULE OF LIFE"...Peter Scazzaro says the

 A Rule of Life is like a Trellis that helps us to abide in Christ and become more fruitful spiritually. Its our unique combination of Spiritual Practices that help us to keep God at the centre of who we are and what we do .

1) What nurtures your spirit and fills you with delight?
2)What do you need to avoid/??what pulls you away from anchoring in Christ?
3)What are your personal "have to do" in this season that will impact your rhythm?

If I am perfectly honest I will say that I spent the next few minutes crying...from somewhere deep inside the tears just flowed...I felt really silly because I wasn't sad...I wasn't doing anything wrong in my life I just felt as if I had stumbled into something that God had been trying to get my attention to for a long time and being at REAL meant He could finally get me to pay attention. As I was serving I didn't feel I could fall apart so I had a quick walk to the loo....its amazing how many women end up in the loo at times like this...I passed several on the way in and several on the way out...none of us meeting the others eyes !!!! Just a sort of cameradie that said..".I understand and will leave you alone "

Since REAL....I have spent some more time reading Peters book and looking over my Rule of Life and trying to put some of it  into action....I will hopefully blog more about how I am doing in the next few days.

I wonder how others are doing? ....were you impacted by Peters work sheet?....have you created a Rule of Life?.....I am always amazed that so many people can sit listening to the same speaker yet get so many different things from the same message....God knows each of us intimately and knows exactly what we need to hear for our season in life...Our God is truly "ours" in every sense of the word.

Monday, 2 July 2012


For several years now I have been know how Simon Benham our lead Elder encourages us all to think believe we can do things....and at many other times we have had preaching along similar go back to God and ask Him for pray into dreams we may have already had....or to renew and review dreams we have laid aside or forgotten about.

I know several other friends who have been dreaming too...for longer that I have and yet still haven't seen the timing being right and just watching them dig deep into God and looking at all times to see how...or when...the dreams can begin to be a reality....has been such an encouragement to me.

Yesterday the preacher...Sola... didn't talk specifically  about dreams as such but he did encourage us to go back to God and to believe that God would and could answer our prayers...Whilst I prayed for someone in my family ....I also felt God nudge me gently again re this dream.... I have only ever spoken about it to the gorgeous man I have the amazing joy of being married to and shared with my best buddy in Bracknell...both of them have always been my greatest encourager's and both have said ...yeah go for it....

Its always a little scary when you actually get the dream out of your head and into words...somehow or other they become substance and take form and have life....and its even more difficult to retract them too. I have been following Ruth Buxton over the last 2 years as she has shared her dream of Noahs Coffee  House..her blog link is on my blog list so feel free to read her journey so far... I have loved her strength..her courage..her determination...her faith...her unshakable belief that God has given her this dream.. this destiny..... I am old enough to be her mother yet I feel so young and naive in my faith in comparison to hers.

My dream is nothing like hers...or indeed like any ones really....I think God gives us all different paths and journeys and dreams according to who we are and how our characters and personalities mature over our lives but it is up to us as to whether we take action or just carry on dreaming.

Let me share my dream....and I really ...really...really....would love your feedback...either email or message rather than comment on Fbook....please also feel free to "share" on your own news feed on Fbook....the more replies I get the better ...I have no idea re timing...or much of anything really I just want to get it out into the open and get some reaction to gauge whether this is the time for me to do something... do research.....or just to hold on for a little while longer.

I absolutely adore all time favourite activity is re-arranging my home....faced with an airing cupboard which if you open the door everything falls out...I can spend a happy afternoon sorting it out and colour coding and folding....My kitchen cupboards are completely in line with the actual needs of the cupboard above the dishwasher is where all the crockery lives so you don't have to move when emptying the dishwasher....the cupboard above the kettle is where you will find the mugs...the tea..the coffee and the sugar...the cutlery drawer is on the right and the fridge is on the don't even have to move your feet...only the upper body.!!....My utility room is similar and also doubles as a changing area for babies...and again...the changing matt is directly under the cupboards where you will find the nappies and the cream etc...are you getting the idea.??

Our bedroom is small and compact with no wasted space at all...I can stand in front of the drawers and everything I need is right face cleanser...cotton wool....mirror....hairbrush hair-dryer....again I don't need to move my feet at all......The downstairs loo ...I can stand in front of the mirror and my make-up  is within reach....The child-minding paperwork is all filed in my filing cabinet...The child-minding toys are all in baskets and both myself and the children I care for all know what is in each basket without looking... I regularly go through the garden sheds...the loft..the garage and recycle or throw away or give away anything that isn't used or not lovely hubby takes it all to various recycling places or to other peoples homes...He is so used to me doing this and when the list appears for a Saturday we just get on and do it....recently we put a proper ladder for loft access and my greatest joy was actually getting up there for first time in 7 years...oooooh what fun I had and I know exactly what is up there now and exactly where it is

NOW...before you bombard me with some horrible label such as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder ) I don't have that....honest...despite several of my friends joking about it constantly.....I have no desire to repeat actions over and over again...and I am not anywhere on the AS (autistic spectrum )...I just enjoy things having a place to stay...this stems from my childhood I know as with all the moving around we did I never knew where anything that belonged to me I kinda guess living this way is my security blanket but seriously its actually something I enjoy.

I have a gorgeous daughter who sometimes lets me loose in her home and we have a couple of days when we restore order and I Love Love Love that.....I have a couple of friends who fearfully have invited me to help them sort out a room or look over the house and make suggestions etc....we even had one very trusting couple who left us their key and went to Australia whilst we de-cluttered and painted their living room...oh what fun I had...

So....For some time I have been thinking of offering this as a a business that would bring me income....I already work full time so it would have to start small and only be available around certain hours etc...but the BIG question is...would for some one to come into your home...or one room and work with you to de-clutter and / or make your storage work better...or your "junk" recycled...or your space utilised in a better way.....and don't forget the church is about to open K4...our charity shop in town so your clutter could fund the amazing community work our church does.

I am honestly interested in everyone's views and opinions...for and against....and any advice or information you think would be helpful....